Schisophrenics note book part 4

4 Damn ghosts; somebody sent therm around, sometimes an erased smudge, sometimes clearer than the tv that took up too much space, an aroma even.. Grey; cheap room inhabited without thought; you say something that dumb and then maybe you really do like it ; an alphabet block building out the window, across the avenue in the remarkable early bright morning light (as he had nothing to dob at night for the moment) brought an uncalled for paranoia. Sort of waiting on too many things; really, he was done and he new it but a little pang and the messages from mom, then the telegram, then the messages he left unanswered then a letter; he never liked her; lot of trouble. No used car - he didn't get the car; finagled some weird loner just to get out of there, and thus, no babes, actually a companion to watch him like...we'll Just keep waldo here a while, but the alphabet building condos I guess, stainless steal, a visage of a waif flew up behind them cause they would arrange something like that. He had with deep paranoia,almost as a practicality, concluded that his leaving had in fact been the thing that held her back- good luck; and...she'd found the mun so, almost a fact, either that or dead but he needed to be prepared; they were drug addicts, they might suddenly get some yen; leaving he'd almost engineered by lashing but he hoped that hadn't helped to a little too much cash.. Her little friends danced through his mind. Swindle, lost in a swindle, she was a walking swindle machine actually, so he had a bad rep for complaining so , now, no rep, sand he sat like engulfed in some over sized tulip, you go used to it, and onward it went to the avenues, as he fitted into his mind a few facts, a few possibilities; where that girl was now if she was lucky and he had a boy friend in mind for her, not all persona, but beyond that it didn't fit as he couldn't find a connection like:"Hi, how are you."; clouds around his head; draw a face on,voila - a ghost but he still had clarity to reenact once again one of his few accomplishments, something that always engaged the propeller of his own soul, rage he might focus for a second here or there, or did before he really did realize which money she wanted, like some how she had moved up , and that was:"You can come out now Billy" and , given the way things were going, it might be a good one.